The Polytechnic is the Institute's student newspaper. Unlike at many liberal arts schools, the newspaper is a weekly. When it had a physical edition it came out on Wednesday, but in 2018 the newspaper switched to an online-only format. Past issues are the best source for information about RPI, but it is doubtful many people dig through the archives.
Below are items from the past that might be of interest.
23rd Psalm to an Engineer's Love
The Polytechnic
(January 16, 1952)
Verily, I say unto ye, marry not an engineer.
For an' engineer is a strange being and possessed of many evils.
Lea, he speaketh eternally in parables, which he calleth formulae,
And he wieldeth a big stick he calleth a slide rule.
And he hath only one bible, a hand book.
He thinketh only of stresses and strains, and without end of thermodynamics.
He knoweth not a waterfall except by its horsepower, nor a sunset except that he must turn on the lighats, nor a damsel except by her live weight.
Verily, though she expecteth chocolates when he calleth, she openeth the package to disclose samples of iron ore.
Yea, he holdeth her hands only to know the friction thereof.
And he kisseth her only to test the viscosity of her lips.
When his damsel writeth of love and signeth with crosses, he taketh these symbols not for kisses, but rather for unknown quantities.
Even as a boy he pulleth a girl's hair but to test the elasticity.
But as a man he discovereth different devices; for he counteth the vibrations of her heartstrings;
And his marriage is a simultaneous equations involving two unknowns and yielding diverse results.
Verily I say unto ye, marry not an engineer.
Hockey Seating Calls for Ticket Lines, No Rotation
by Christine Rinik
The Polytechnicbr> (September 26, 1974)
After less than half an hour of discussion, the Student Senate voted last Thursday to re-approve last year's “line-up” plan for the sale of hockey tickets. Season tickets, higher-priced than last year's, will go on sale October 14. There will be no rotation of seats.
According to the plan submitted by Grand Marshal Mike Stull, the student season hockey tickets will be sold in the Mug Room of the Student Union commencing at 8 a.m., October 14. Each person will be able to hold four identification cards and each ID card can buy up to two student tickets or one student and one date ticket.
Prices
Both the North and West Grandstands will be open for season tickets. Seats remaining after these tickets are sold will be available on a single-game basis. Season tickets are not sold at a discount rate. Student tickets are $1.00 per game or $12.00 for a season ticket. Date tickets are $2.00 each.
The Executive Board was expected to vote on the plan last Tuesday. E-Board approval is needed before the system is put into operation. President of the Union Steve Walker expects approval from the E-Board but notes that, if the plan is rejected, the E-Board will draw up an alternative proposal to submit to the Senate.
Years ago, Rensselaer hockey seating was on a “rotation” basis, whereby students were divided into large groups. Each group was seated at different positions in the Fieldhouse at different games. Reach explained that the “major problem of rotation was that eventually you have people sitting in bad seats when good seats are available.”
Last year, departure from the rotation system of hockey seating created great controversy on campus, culminating in a system much like the one which the Senate approved Thursday. This year the decision was made with a minimum of discussion. Walker feels the difference was that “there was not that much debating since (they're) working under the same plan as last year.” Moreover “last year no one knew who was charge but this year the procedure for setting up a system is known.”
Hockey Fans
Walker, who was opposed to this hockey seating plan last year, now feels that it is the “only fair method besides a lottery.” He noted that it allows someone “really psyched about hockey to get there first and get a good seat.” Bob Reach, Chairman of the Athletic Board, also supported the system, noting that there are “no great advantages to rotation.”
Ross Gingrich, former Grand Marshal, contends that “last year's system discriminated against the individual as opposed to a large group,” since groups are better organized and have more manpower for waiting on line. “I would like to see some form of rotation, especially for the freshmen,” he said.
Reach noted that the line, which usually forms well before hockey tickets go on sale, is an “unfortunate necessity.” The main advantage to having eight tickets per person is that it keeps down the size of the line, he explained.
Also reviewed Thursday night at the meeting was a resolution passed at the end of last year which fixes the price of all hockey tickets at $3.50 one hour before the start of the game. This was done to reportedly speedup the line that forms while 20 minutes of the first period goes by.
Top Ten Christmas Presents for an RPI Student
- Sleep.
- Alcohol.
- A 4.0 GPA.
- A blank check (caution: it will be accepted).
- No-Doz, Vivarin, etc. (in lieu of #10).
- A parking space.
- A lover (if impossible, see #9).
- Common sense.
- A reason to come back next semester.
- A transfer.
Top Ten Criteria for Getting into Rensselaer
Compiled by the Non-geek Student Association
- You wear glasses.
- Your favorite TV show is “Star Trek.”
- Your next favorite TV show is “Star Trek: The Next Generation.”
- You know your weight in Newtons.
- You truly love Calculus, Physics and Chemistry– not necessarily in that order.
- You believe that Ohm's Law is superior to Murphy's Law.
- English is your second language.
- Pascal is your first language.
- Your favorite type of “Pie” is 3.14159..
- You think in RPN (Reverse Polish Notation).
Top Ten Infamous Last Words
- Oops.
- We moved the final to Friday . . . p.m.
- I only have one final.
- C'mon! Loosen up!
- Bring whatever you want to the final - it will not help.
- It is intuitively obvious.
- Time's Up!
- I only got six and a half hours of sleep last night.
- The final is no longer optional.
- I see your point, but the grade stands.
Top Ten RPI Pick-Up Lines Used at Russell Sage
- I have a Hewlett Packard 28S, with LOTS of bytes.
- My Yugo is equipped with an 8-track, to play my Bee-Gees and Village People cassettes. Let's cruise!
- Am I an athlete? I'm on the Varsity Bowling Team.
- I can tell you the value of pi to fifty decimal places.
- My roommate is gone for the weekend. Do you want to come over and play Pictionary?
- My vocabulary is more extensive than that of William F. Buckley's . . . Impressed?
- I have two tickets to a symposium on matrix algebra. Wanna go?
- What's your sign . . . and SAT scores?
- I can get you a free subscription to Nintendo Power magazine.
- I can drink an entire case of Meister Brau Lite and STILL differentiate the Schroedinger equation.
Top Ten Rules for Life at RPI
- April snow squalls bring May snowballs.
- When the going gets tough . . . drop the course.
- Two out of three is a “D.”
- Do unto others whatever it takes to help the curve.
- You scratch my back, I'll stab yours.
- If at first you don't succeed, switch to management.
- It's not what you know, it's what they think you know.
- What goes up, must come down, excepting tuition.
- RPI gets what you pay for.
- Ask not what RPI can do for you, ask what RPI can do to you.
Top Ten Things Men Hate to Hear from Women
- I told you so.
- I'm not sure if I can make up my mind.
- You're nice and all that, but . . .
- I used to love when my ex . . . did it.
- No, I really don't mean that.
- Don't treat me like I am some kind of doll.
- Don't treat me like I am one of your stupid pals.
- The RCS word (commitment).
- Why should I believe you?
- If you don't know what I think, then I'm not going to tell you.
Top Ten Things to Do on Hockey Line
Compiled by Those Who Remember When RPI Was Fun
- Wish you could have alcohol on line.
- Sleep and dream of a 4.0 GPA.
- Remember the days when you could have alcohol on line.
- Pretend to be sleeping and think of the 2.0 GPA you really have.
- Try to make a deal with President Schmitt so you can have alcohol on line.
- Watch the freshman girls go by and estimate how much of the “Freshman Fifteen” they've gained.
- Try to make a deal with the devil so you can have alcohol on line.
- Watch fire engines go by and consider: “If I were in the Pub right now, I could get a Killian's for $1.”
- Imagine doing away with all the prohibitionists on campus so you can have alcohol on line.
- Listen to the mindless dribble of those Pathetic Elitist Zeroes.
Note: This is the original version submitted to the Polytechnic. #1 was changed for publication.
Top Ten Worst Things to Hear on Valentine's Day
- No.
- I'm busy tonight, and tomorrow night . . .
- I have a boyfriend.
- I'm confused.
- You're a NICE person . . .
- I need time to think.
- Don't take this the wrong way . . .
- I don't know how to tell you this . . .
- We have to talk.
- Let's be friends.